Eliza! Eliza!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Fri, 10 May 2013 17:42:32 -0700

There has been a lot of back and forth this week, about male comics and rape jokes. Specifically one (pretty green, it seems) comic’s rape jokes.

I got mad - not about the things this guy said, but the blind agressive defense of his “right” to say them when a journalist brought up how they made her feel as a female audience member. The battle against free speech is not going to start in a comedy club - no one is saying anyone’s rights should be taken away. But we get to have OPINIONS on those jokes. And these dudes have to suck it up and deal with it when our opinion is “yuck.”

And then I got tired, and I wrote this:

I am exhausted with misogyny in comedy. It is there, yes. It is infuriating, yes. But let’s stop playing in the dirt with these dudes. Let’s stop jumping up every time some dumb dude says something dumb. He wants to talk about rape, so, what - now we ALL gotta talk about rape?
INSTEAD, how about we jump up and put some focus on a great female comic doing killer material. Instead of giving an asshole a forum, let’s write an article about Cameron Esposito Emily Heller Aparna Nancherla Kate Berlant Mo Welch Rhea Butcher Brandie Posey Barbara Gray Lauren Ashley Bishop Beth Stelling (they won’t let me tag more, but Claudia Cogan, Katie Crown, Janine Brito, Jacqueline Novak, Kara Klenk, Megan Amram, Shelby Fero, Lisabeth Johnson, Michelle Buteau, Jen Kirkman, Erin Foley, Ali Wong, Jackie Kashian, Kristen Schaal, Sarah Silverman, Amy Shumer, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Karen Kilgariff, Maria Bambford, Margaret Cho, and goddamn it even Joan Rivers. ALWAYS Joan Rivers).
YES, we need to scream and yell sometimes. But even more than that, we need to talk about female comics - not in a “WOWOWEE THERE ARE GIRLS HERE?!?!” way, but just in a way that makes sure the GOOD is getting as much press as the bad. (And not in a list of “LADY COMICS”.)
I’m not scared to scream and yell. Currently my ENRTIRE CAREER is screaming and yelling, often at big scary companies. But I’m not sure it’s always the best for our souls. And I fear it is starting to reinforce the idea that COMICS = MEN.

And, please note - the top comics, the ones that people give a shit about and pay real money to see? They generally aren’t doing that scuzzy material. It IS getting better - let’s keep pushing it.

fully support you on the strike Eilza! the RVA well me anyway has yo' back OHS style!

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 16:20:50 -0700

Thanks Keith!

Not a question. Just supporting you and the other Fashion Police writers.

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 13:53:46 -0700

Thank you!

Is this strike extending past Fashion Police? A lot of my friends love it, but Fashion Police isn't really my thing, but if there are other WGA strikes going on I don't want to watch scab programs.

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 13:52:50 -0700

It’s just our show striking. But we are an E! show, which is owned by NBCUniversal and Comcast - you can extend your own personal boycott as far as you want!

What to say if you are asked to write for Fashion Police while we are on strike.

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:58:16 -0700

I stand with the writers of your show, and won’t work while they are on strike.
Sorry, I don’t feel comfortable getting involved during this strike - but your show is great and I would love to work with you once this is all settled.
I am currently divorcing Jessica Alba’s butt - so legally, I can’t write jokes about it right now.
Oh no! You caught me in the airport - I am on my way to Florida, and they still don’t have internet access, electricity or the alphabet there.
I ate some bad sushi that has swollen my fingers so badly I can no longer type “Kardashian Vagina.”
MY BUTT IS EXPLODING!!!!
Shoot! I just took a job collecting pennies in my couch, and it pays better.

Bridgetown reviews

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:54:38 -0700

Me on Bridgtown: IT WAS THE BEST.

Superslice on me (at Bridgetown):

Thanks, Portland!

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:49:00 -0700

Once again, the Bridgetown Comedy Festival was a blast!

And I am so sorry about all the filthy things I said about you there, Jason Schwartzman. (From the Wiliamette Week.)

Still on strike.

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 13:05:31 -0700

Day 10.

Here’s our official update on the Fashion Police writer’s strike. It doesn’t include anything about lingering around the free samples table at Trader Joes, but just assume that is implied.

—-

Since we Fashion Police writers went on strike last week our employer has falsely characterized the situation in the media as one which could be easily resolved if only those stubborn, unreasonable Fashion Police writers would agree to hold an election.

Here is our response:

The only possible purpose of holding an election would be to determine if a majority of Fashion Police writers wish to be represented by the Writers Guild of America in this matter. That determination has already been made. A majority of Fashion Police writers have contacted the company numerous times to indicate that they want to be represented by the Guild. A majority of Fashion Police writers have signed union cards indicating the same thing. And last week a majority of Fashion Police writers indicated their support by walking off the job in a collective action designed to force the Company to offer us, without further delay, a Guild contract. We are not interested in fighting over yet another means of demonstrating that we represent a majority of the Fashion Police writing staff. We are only interested in getting a union contract that would put a stop to our years of under-paid work and unpaid overtime and provide us with health care for our families. For the benefit of all concerned we urge you to stop dragging this out and contact our representatives at the WGA now to move this process forward.

Signed,

Jackie Beat

Bryan Cook

Dante

Dennis Hensley

Todd Masterson

Rob Nolan

Michael Prescott

Ned Rice

Eliza Skinner

Please don't work my job while I strike.

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 23:19:00 -0700

Real scabs aren’t cute.

I just went on strike from my job writing for a highly rated cable TV show. That might mean the brilliant comedians I know here online or in real life will be asked to come in and replace the striking workers. There are tons of people that are so funny, and I’d LOVE to have you write on our show - I’ve even recommended some of you for the job in the past. And who knows - they might ask you to do it.

But while we strike you really shouldn’t work my job. Really really really.

DO NOT SCAB FOR FASHION POLICE.

Here is why:

1) Cable pay rates are F’d. The more shows that stand up and fight, the better the situation is going to get for everyone. If companies think they can get away with it (and they have) they will keep doing it. If you work the jobs when we’re on strike the company has no reason to fix the situation. We’re fighting not just for our jobs, but for future writers too. That is you, future writer.

2) It’s not worth it. The whole point is we get paid shit. If you are good enough to work the job now, you’ll be good enough in a month. By that time, the pay rate for the exact same job could be 6 times as much. If you don’t wait, it might never get there. This is a high turnover job - people burn out or get other gigs. Hold off and you’ll still get it, just under better circumstances.

3) Working Rule 8. If working rule 8 is invoked, no WGA writers are allowed to work on a show. If you are not in the guild but hope to someday be, you should want to stand by them. They can and do ban people from ever joining for crossing a picket line.

4) Writers hire & writers remember. In most of the jobs I’ve gotten I’ve been recommended by other writers and hired by showrunners (people who used to just be writers). It’s in your best interest to create a reputation for standing WITH writers, and for being part of the team.

5) This is a union town. The few times I’ve been hired by non-writers, I’ve been hired by producers - who have their own union. Standing up for a union gains you respect from everyone. Even if you are someone who is distrustful of the inside organization of a union, the group of people that they represent are worth standing up for. Comcast is currently embroilled in fights with all kinds of unions - from the WGA to Communications workers. Don’t help them out.

Solidarity.

bigmoneyla: Megan Baker took some great photos of our show this...

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 13:16:40 -0800

Baron Vaughn closing the show, maybe a little dramatically.

Eliza and DC creating the John Hughes Movie Slam Project (tm).

Mo Welch makes having an ex-con dad funny AND adorable.

Ali Waller talking about real cool dudez.

Victor Varnado came all the way from New York to talk about dookie.

Drennon Davis surprising himself with his own act.

bigmoneyla:

Megan Baker took some great photos of our show this week!

Come back next Thursday at 7:30 at the Virgil for another killer line-up….

Next week’s show has Nick Kroll and Bobcat Goldthwait - plus a bunch of other great comics!

Dear Distrustful Voter,

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 19:27:00 -0800

Me too, man. ME. TOO.

Listen, I get it. Anyone who would want to run for president has an evil twisted mind and a god complex. I fully believe that. All these guys are creepy Frankenstein meglomaniacs, getting and giving handjobs to big businesses. Congress too! I’ve seen Mr. Smith Goes to Washington! I’ve seen every documentary that reaffirms your belief that the system is totally fucked. It is. It completely is.

But this is what we’re working with. Please vote anyway. And please vote for Obama.

For the last 11 years we have been so bombarded with fear and double crosses, we don’t know who to trust anymore. So we don’t trust anyone. Someone owns the news, someone owns the scientific studies, and no one is telling the truth. Fine. Sure. But here is something that you do know, and can see with your own eyes: human beings are being denied basic human rights in this country.

Our economy is fucked. I know that. I haven’t heard any concrete plan that I know can fix that, from either side. But more importantly — and this is my real point — this time will not be remembered for it’s economics, but for it’s social policy. History doesn’t give a fuck about our gas prices. They will definitely get worse. And they will definitely get better. What matters in the long run is whether we choose to grant or deny basic rights to gay people, and women.

It’s not hard - at this point the tide is so in favor of equal rights that it’s inevitable. The end of slavery in America was inevitiable at one point, but part of the country held on so tight to that shitty idea that tons of people died over it. Let’s learn from our past mistakes. Get on the right side of history and give people their freedoms. Let gays marry, let women be in charge or their own bodies, and let each individual run their own intimate life.*

They say that social issues are a smoke screen to obscure the real economic issues. Ok, fine - I’ll see your conspiracy and raise you one: we are economically fucked either way. They are never going to tell us who is really getting paid for what. We’re always going to get lied to and we’re always going to get the short end of the stick. But we as citizens and human beings need to do what we can to feel proud of ourselves as individuals. For me, that includes voting for the candidate who has demonstrated a respect for the rights of women and gay people.

Take it from some dummy sitting next to her cat in bed - not a paid pundit or “journalist” whose job depends on it. Your vote can do something. It can help people.

-Eliza

*You don’t like abortion? NOBODY DOES! Counsel women and help them find alternatives to abortion and unprotected sex. Everyone should get to own their own body though.

lauren ashley bishop lives here: i sent my mom an email to ask her not to vote for romney

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 18:30:23 -0800

lauren ashley bishop lives here: i sent my mom an email to ask her not to vote for romney:

laurenashleybishop:

I want to tell you to not vote for Romney for a lot of reasons.

I want to remind you how devastatingly dishonest he’s been regarding his own finances. How he basically committed a felony in 2009 which is why he won’t release his tax returns for that year.

How he lied blatantly about the auto…

READ IT.

LOVE IT.

VOTE.

Show Me The Funny.

Tue, 02 Oct 2012 15:44:00 -0700

In the past few months there has been a lot of talk about who and what is or isn’t funny. Rape isn’t funny, pathetic women aren’t funny, Aurora isn’t funny, prejudice isn’t funny, and - everyone’s old favorite - women in general just aren’t funny. Every couple of weeks someone says “YOU CAN’T SAY THAT!!!” about something or someone and a debate ensues. Ironically, the only that is definitely NOT funny are these boring diatribes about comedy rules that do not exist.

As comedians, we are artists and every artist needs to have strong opinions. That’s how we figure out what we want to talk about and how we want to do it. For instance - I know that I’d rather shove a pinecone up my asshole than sing a political parody song. Knowing that gets me one step closer to narrowing in on the type of things I DO want to do in my act. I’m never going to tell anyone else THEY shouldn’t compose and perform Mitt Me With Your Best Shot, though. Because that would move me from the realm of opinionated artist and into straight-up asshole.

We need to recognize that our opinions are just that: opinions, and our own. Not facts, and not shared by everyone. Guess what? YOU can think women aren’t funny. Go ahead. You can also think hot bananas taste delicious and not at all like angry wet farts. Personally, I disagree, but who cares? My disagreement doesn’t prove you wrong, and neither does an 8 page rant about it. The only thing that proves funny is being funny.

Comedians, cultivate your opinions. But also cultivate your funny. And the next time you feel the need to tell someone else that they/their jokes are not funny - or tell someone that nu-uh, you/rape/buttholes ARE funny - how about you shut up and go do your job. Write a joke about it.

(And yes, I do recognize the inherent irony in this post, but at least I put in that shit about the hot bananas.)

alexblagg: Manic Pixie Dream Fund PSA Please watch and help end...

Thu, 16 Aug 2012 15:47:31 -0700

alexblagg:

Manic Pixie Dream Fund PSA

Please watch and help end the Etsy exploitation of America’s cutest hipster girls.

brandieposey: CREEPSHOW IS TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! Barbara Gray...

Thu, 16 Aug 2012 15:45:46 -0700

brandieposey:

CREEPSHOW IS TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Barbara Gray & Brandie Posey are back once again with the the next installment of CREEPSHOW - terrifying tales of creeps, stalkers & super crazies as told by some of LA’s best comedians! This show always gets really insane & you’ll never hear a lot of these stories anywhere else.

GUY BRANUM
LAUREN ASHLEY BISHOP
ELIZA SKINNER
ERIN LAMPART
JUSTIN WILLIAMS

Hosted by BRANDIE POSEY & BARBARA GRAY

The Improv Lab
8156 Melrose Ave
Thursday August 16th 10:30PM

BE THERE OR WE’LL MURDER YOU AND WEAR YOUR SKIN!

Who’s dat pretty girl?! alexblagg: This week on K-LOL:...

Thu, 16 Aug 2012 13:15:56 -0700

Who’s dat pretty girl?!

alexblagg:

This week on K-LOL: Etsy sweatshops, cat dubstep, and LOTS of adorable animal stuff.

Special K-LOL report from me: “Who’s Making Me Feel...

Tue, 14 Aug 2012 09:04:30 -0700

Special K-LOL report from me: “Who’s Making Me Feel Bad On Facebook”

erockappel: A couple weeks ago, my wife and I were walking our...

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 18:43:43 -0700

erockappel:

A couple weeks ago, my wife and I were walking our two dogs about a half a mile away from our house in Atwater Village (Los Angeles) when I spotted something small moving around in the bushes across the street.

Upon further investigation, we discovered that it was a small orphaned, black and white kitten (probably around three or four months old). I took hold of both dogs (and I also had our six week old daughter on my chest in a baby bjorn) while my wife spent a good 15 minutes trying to capture the cat. She eventually got it and we asked a few neighbors if they knew where it came from. They didn’t. So, we took it back to our place and decided to try and find it a home.

As my wife was walking up the driveway, the frightened kitten managed to squeeze out of her arms and run under my car. I spent a half an hour trying to re-catch it, but it eventually disappeared.

The next afternoon, my wife noticed the cat sitting in a small flowerpot behind our house. I tried to catch it again, but it took off over the neighbor’s fence.

The next day while I was at work my wife texted me “look who’s living under our house” along with a picture of the kitten poking its head out from a small hole near where our garden hose connects to the water pipes.

On my way home, I bought a couple cans of cat food and set them out for the kitten, along with a bowl of water. Since it decided to make our backyard its home, I may as well do my part and try to keep it fed.

Every time I tried to get near the kitten, however, it hissed and scurried away. I don’t know if it was born in the wild, or if it escaped, but it definitely saw me as a predator.

So every day I fed the kitten, and was hoping to take her to the Atwater Village cat rescue when they were open on the weekend. After a week of putting out food twice a day, I managed to trap her in a box and I took her to the cat rescue where I was told they were at kitten capacity. They gave me a list of shelters to call, and they were all either at capacity as well, or they told me that the kitten would be put down immediately because its so young.

Today, the kitten finally lowered its guard and let me get close enough to pet her. She’s a little dirty, but as soon as I started petting her, she purred like crazy. Now every time I go outside she runs up to me and wants to be pet and play. It’s heartbreaking.

I wish I could take this kitten in myself. However, my wife and I are dealing with being new parents right now, and we also own two dogs (that aren’t so fond of cats) and we are also moving to the valley in two weeks, so taking on a new pet is out of the question for us.

Since the kitten is letting me touch it now (and has become surprisingly playful all of the sudden) I’m going to try to take her to a vet this week, to have her checked out and make sure she’s doing okay, and to see if she’s even old enough to get fixed yet.

But if this kitten stays living outside, I’m not sure she will survive.

She needs a home.

If you want this adorable kitten as a pet, or if you know someone who might, please email me at erockappel@gmail.com.

And please pass this message along. Help find this kitten a home!

Valiant Starling: Whether you know Brian and Wendy well or you only know them in...

Wed, 20 Jun 2012 08:01:00 -0700

Valiant Starling: Whether you know Brian and Wendy well or you only know them in...:

If I have ever made you laugh for free, please send something to brand new little Elliot Valiant Starling and her parents. She had a very bumpy entry into the world - please help show her it’s not all that bad. Her parents are also going through what must be the scariest experience in the world, and it breaks my heart to think about. Elliott was born very early and her medical expenses are adding up, and she is very small and tiny so she cannot hold down a job to help pay for it.

Plus her dad (my college housemate) is the hackiest non-comedian in the world - she’s going to need all the help she can get to deal with that once she’s up and around.

valiantstarling:

Whether you know Brian and Wendy well or you only know them in passing, you’re visiting this page because you care about them. And right now, they need your help.

On the evening of Sunday, June 10, Wendy Minter went into labor thousands of miles from home and nearly three months ahead…

Rob Delaney: Funny Women

Wed, 20 Jun 2012 00:11:59 -0700

Rob Delaney: Funny Women:

robdelaney:

The New York Post published an interview with Adam Carolla on Sunday in which he said, among other things, “dudes are funnier than chicks,” and, regarding writing for television, “they make you hire a certain number of chicks, and they’re always the least funny on the writing staff.”

I disagree,…

I agree with everything Rob says here, except the idea that these thoughts are “humanist” rather than “feminist”. To be pro-women only means to be in favor of women getting treated equally. So really, there is no difference between being humanist or feminist or peoplist or whatever you want to call it. If you believe that all people should get a fair shake - regardless of gender - then you’re a feminist. Kind of sad, huh?

So anyways, fellas, use the title! You sexxy hunks are feminists like my awesome pal Rob Delaney (whether he likes it or not).