So, these are the Dukes of JMU?

Dear JMU,

As an alumna of James Madison University, let me just say: Go fuck yourself, JMU.

One of your students was sexually assaulted by 3 male students while she was blackout drunk, they videotaped and distributed it, and their punishment was “expulsion after graduation.” EXPULSION AFTER GRADUATION. I’m pretty sure that’s just called “GRADUATION”. The victim, on the other hand, has lost her financial aid, and had to withdraw from the university as a result of the ordeal and pressing charges. 

Not only is this a gross mishandling of a severely fucked up situation, it lays the groundwork for a campus culture where women don’t speak out, and sexual predators get to do whatever they want. As the victim herself said: "What is a girl going to think that I had video proof and I still have to see these boys on campus? How would she ever feel comfortable coming forward?"

I am disgusted. 

And, I am a successful working comedian and comedy writer. I have written for several TV shows, I appear on TV pretty regularly, and I write for Will Ferrell and Adam McKay’s website, Funny Or Die - cool, huh? I plan to do a lot more over the next few years. I’m not trying to brag, I just want to point all that before I mention that I will never, EVER, give you money, mention you in my biography, acknowledge you in any way, or visit your campus again.

JMU, you should be ashamed of yourself. I’m totally ashamed of you.

If you want to make a difference, sign this petition:

Why I love Judd Apatow.

I’m taking a break from internet reading and stomach turning, to create something. I mean, besides the somethings I have to create for my job - which I also love - but come from a different place in my brain. 

I love Judd Apatow. I don’t always love his movies. They always have a specific and strong point of view and sometimes that point of view - which is great - but sometimes it’s SO FAR from my own that I immediately want to take a nap. (Watching a bunch of bros giggle about how ridiculous it would be to suck a dick is like ambien to me.) But he tells stories that are interesting and authentic to him, and he does it well. 

I have often heard Apatow criticized for not telling stories about women - for not having more substantial female leads or even supporting characters that would carry his films past the Bechdel test. But what does Judd Apatow know about being a woman? As much as he knows about being a turtle, because he’s never been either. It’s not up to him - or any man - to tell our stories, it’s up to us.

Instead of telling an inauthentic story about the imaginary experience of being a woman, Judd Apatow creates opportunities for WOMEN to do it themselves. He produced HBO’s Girls, Bridesmaids, and he’s now producing and directing Amy Schumer’s movie, “Trainwreck”. Those three projects are more important for women in the media than any “more substantial” role in one of his bro comedies could ever be.

It’s ineffective to tell straight white men that they have to address every life experience. Instead, we just need them to make room for us to tell our own - be it stories of women, people of color, gay people, trans people, or of gay trans black women. People give jobs and opportunities to their friends - which has made it very hard for women to crack into a lot of industries. So it’s really heartening to see a powerful man be a real pal.

Now, back to the comedy skitches…

I found out that Nathan was an artist the day I caught him stocking one of the piles of mysterious Diamon Lion postcards that had appeared in some theaters around LA. Diamond Lion is my improv group - none of us had any idea where these postacards had come from. I grabbed one and said “Did you make these??” He just sort of nodded and smiled. 

He ended up making a bunch of posters for Diamond Lion. He hand made each of those Rankin and Bass christmas characters (and if you don’t know what we look like,  trust me - he nailed it.) Later he made weekly posters for my stand up show, Big Money. My co-host, DC, and I particularly liked the “weird” one he made us for April Fools Day last year. He also drew me that “ferociously cute” dinosaur - which is one of my favorite things, and is the background to my twitter page.

I wanted to post some of the art that he made for me, and the posters, and some stuff he made I just liked, because I want people to see them. But I don’t feel comfortable showing them to you by linking to his blog, because his suicide note is at the top of it, and I guess now it always will be. Even writing the words “suicide note” feels so personal and dramatic, like taping someone’s underwear to the blackboard. Sorry, Nathan. 

I don’t have any wise words to finish this with, besides life is short, no matter how it ends. So do everything, dream big, hold tight and when someone tells you your work is remarkable, try to believe them. 

Please Watch Eliza Skinner Do Stand Up on The Pete Holmes Show


The amazing Eliza Skinner got to do stand up on The Pete Holmes Show last night and you should really watch it whether you caught it live on air or not.

Really, she’s a name you should already know or commit to memory for how unbelievably talented and funny she is. Watch her set here.


Paul Ryan: Inner City Expert

Congressman Paul Ryan knows all about the “inner-city” experience, he just has some trouble finding the right words to describe it. 

I wrote this sketch about Paul Ryan. Not because he’s a racist or anything. Just cuz.

Piano Bar at The Improv - 3/13/14

Photos by Megan Baker (@comedyhipster)

Thank you to all the amazing comics who made the Piano Bar so fun last week! And, special thanks to our amazing musical director, Scott Passarella. We had a great show and a super crowd. Hooray for us all!

But clearly, the real star of the show was the stool. 

I wrote this video for Funny Or Die, because I was wondering WHY WE AREN’T TALKING ABOUT THIS PLANE CRASH ALL THE TIME.


Comcast Doesn’t Give a F*CK

A heartfelt message to you from Comcast regarding their upcoming merger with Time Warner.

Aaaand I wrote this sketch also. Starring Greg Tuculescu, produced by Jason Carden, directed by Ian Pfaff. Still on strike from a Comcast owned show - going on 11 months now.


The Most Important Oscar Ballot

Don’t just watch the Oscars, get in on the action with this handy ballot that lets you keep track of all the stuff that really matters.

Also wrote this for Funny Or Die. Should have posted it before the oscars, but I’m a writer not a tumblr expert.